The Itch That Never Goes Away

भारत गणराज्य

For those who know, I've been saying that I would like to visit India, guiltily, for a few years now. So, perhaps one of the resolutions for this year shall be that. I say perhaps, because don't we all know that resolutions are made to be broken. Although this is something that I really want to do, for myself. It's such a beautiful, charming and mystical place. Besides, Louis Vuitton recently shot their travel campaign in Rajasthan. It's a sign. 

Places of 2011

It's a year of travel. Just the way I like it. Some planned for, others not. Here are some highlights: 

Feb- Philippines - For the first time in my life I saw such clear clean waters.

                                  

                                          Chocolate Hills - huge expanse of coco plants, hence the name 

Danao Plunge - overcame my height of heights and plummeted 45m free fall before being launched on a pendulum swing of over a hundred meters. 

March - The little dude's first vacay to Malacca. With his parents of course. 

April - Phuket with the dear girl. On a Hong tour.

Rode a horse for the first time. 

Rode a scooter for the first time.

April - Up to Genting with the karmic twin. 

June - The Wee siblings gathered in London, sans one brother. 

  Road trip to Cornwall and St Ives.

Paris. Quite disappointing actually. 

October/November - Watching an EPL match (Newcastle vs Everton, 2:1) live. Awesome experience.

Edinburgh - a modern city that still retained its medieval charms. 

My resolution for 2012? To be able to travel like 2011. Here is where I will do the Sheldon laugh. 

True story.

I'm not good at relationships.

I'm scared of being hurt, scared of under delivering what is expected of me, scared of not being the kind of person the other person thought me to be.

Family, friends, the Dude. I've somehow managed to screw it up some way or the other even though I know they are so very important to me. Some salvageable, others not. Why must it be so complicated?

Even having a relationship with myself is so tiring. I find myself confused, complicated, unreasonable and difficult. How can anyone else even stand me?

No, this is not a self-loathing and pity grabbing post. I recognize the problem and the solution is to be nice and smiley to everyone. But it's so hard, because that's not me.

When I see someone who is so affable and able to make a connection with just about anyone, I wonder how they do it. How do they know what to talk about? How do you continue the conversation? How do you seem to make it look so interesting? I tried to be nice, but it obviously isn't enough. I tried to be sensitive, but it's been construed as rude. I tried to be understanding, however it seems like that is expected of me. There is no pleasing everyone.

So what do I do now?

Paris is not a city of love. At least not for me.

I am zoning out in the train and looking at everyone being so engrossed in their iPhones/iPad/pretending to sleep and I'm suddenly transported back to the summer of 2010.

The dude and I were in Barcelona and we weren't together yet. We just arrived and after a quick pitstop at the hotel to drop the bags, we went walking and to have dinner. We ended up at a restaurant right at the doorstep of the Sagrada Familia.

It was dusk, the streets were quiet, there were only a couple of patrons at the restaurant. Of course we ordered paella. Evening chill as the sun set progressively lower. We sat under a tree. At one point it drizzled slightly.

The food came, we ate and talked. About what, I don't recall. It gets darker and colder. Across the street the construction sounds at the Sagrada fades. There is a petrol kiosk at the junction. It grew brighter with the ticking of the clock's hand.

Coffee came. The Sagrada lit up. That day I fell in love with Barcelona, and possibly him.